Linkin Park - Iridescent [HD] - from Transformers: Dark of the Moon

I miss being an ultimate fan of Linkin Park. They sound so different and their music really gets to the soul.

Jesse McCartney - Because You Live - Official Video HQ - Lyrics Included

I just love him! God it's been seven years and I still feel the same way... :)

Lucid Dreaming - (Photography): Love Story

Lucid Dreaming - (Photography): Love Story OMG! I really love Elizabeth May's collections. Guys please check this out and be awed by her skills in photography. Thanks! :)

Her Imperfections

So how do I know such things?

It's such a difficult journey out there and if there's anything that could be a hindrance in that long way, it would perhaps be my own imperfections.

Whether it's the long way or the short way, it'll surely be the same. I don't really understand why my mood kept on changing these days and the way I make a theme to my writing is like getting somewhat erratic. And now here I' am writing about my own imperfections. It's funny and absolutely crazy. By the way, when did I ever stop writing about anything? From the skies above, the melancholic sound of the waves, the sweet chirping of the birds, and even the scene of two people staring at each other's eyes. Well, that's me and that's how I see writing. Writing is the most lucrative way of imploring to someone your thoughts in a way that is not too powerful and aggressive but in a mild ray of imagination that somewhat drives the persons to set his/her soul to the writer's world without his/her conscious about his/her transition.

So much about writing. Let's go to 'my' writing.

Each of us have our own insecurities and imperfections plus all the udeniably bad critiques of those people around us. It is a matter of fact our inseparable accessory being a human person. But guess what we can minimize it, right? The reading of the process will take few minutes but the application will take few years. Yes, isn't it ridiculous? Why do we have to wait if we can just cancel out these people in our lives, right? Tell me about it.

So here's the thing. First, who are these people that make you feel imperfect, insecure, and scrutinize you like your some Gossip Girl character. Find them and list in who's the first one you wanted to throw away first. Yes, in that way you'll have a fair listing.

Second, write the reasons (e.g. What have they done and said to hurt you?, Are they really worth of your time and of the ink in your pen?).

Third, after plotting them down, write the things that they've done or said [that you think they really did with all their hearts] that made you feel better. Try to be true with your judgments.

Fourth, try to look at your list. Is the person who've hurt you the most did something great that had made you happy at the same time? If that is so, try to skimmer down your anger and try to look back at the past when you've felt like he/she have betrayed you or have hurt you. See if there are flaws in your conclusion and perhaps, you've got it wrong. Try to do the same with the others in your list. Perhaps, some of them are not worth to be there.

Fifth, but if the people in your list is not likely to be what they are, then, guess, it's better that you take spaces away from them. It's difficult to live in a world where you can't at least be free with you want to think of yourself. It's just like throwing garbage away for recycling. If you don't feel like they can be good friends to you, throw them away, let them be. Perhaps, they could be recycled and be of good friends with other people. It's not like they're trash all in all but you just don't want to make your place smelly and have no comfy place for other people.

So that's it. Easy as it is but difficult to carry out. But it will just flow like faucet water draining you out to the dirty drainage and be reprocessed to a healthy drinking water. Good luck. have fun. And make sure to throw the right garbage in the right trashcan.

Coming to My Senses

So I'm saying this in a not so good way but at the same time not in an awful way...

This is me coming to my senses. I finally figured out for so many days this complicated matter that has been irritating me down to my spines. I hate to say it but I can't stand not talking to him. I just can't help but to say a simple 'hello' or 'hi' when he smiles and smile if he does it first.

So it started this way.

I was having my not-so-grand Graduation Party (G.P.) in the same day of our graduation. All of my friends [including him, of course! He was like my best friend] and teachers were invited (even those people whom only my parents knew were even included) to my G.P. Our graduation rites ended six-thirty in the evening so my party started at around seven. My guests were there already as expected. We started the party while my guests kept coming. My teachers soon arrive with my friends and classmates too. I was, of course, waiting for my best friends to arrive.

After an hour, only few of my best friends arrive and he was not one of them. I waited and refused to take dinner even though I'm really hungry because I want them to be there complete eating dinner with me. My friends also join me in fasting because this guy means a lot to them though I'm not really sure if to me he's that important too, maybe in a different way. But one of my friends' mom said that it's not worth the waiting and concluded that perhaps, he's not coming or will be arriving late so it's better if we eat out dinner now that starve ourselves for waiting for just one person who perhaps have eaten already. So there, we grab our food and still there waiting while eating. One of my teachers [not to mention one of our favorite teacher since he's like a father to us] entertained us together with his wife in singing us a song. Few more songs and still no sign of him.

My guests were starting to leave and I was losing hopes of him coming. A friend of mine whom a very close companion to my heart arrived and I was so happy that he came for he made a sacrifice even if how many times I've told him that it's okay if he can't make it to my G.P. since it's late already and that I'm happy that he called because it only shows how concern he is of how I might feel if he'll just shut up and act like it was nothing.

I don't want to drag the story anymore because it is useless since he did not arrive at all.

The following week...

Obviously, I acted cold and fierce with a tinge of raising my eyebrows. When he says 'hi', I tried to avoid it with a cold smile. When he looks at me and we catch each other's eyes, I tried to give him unconcerned ones. When he smiles, I tried to knock-off the image in my head and give him a disappointed look. It was, I know, was affecting him but it's all that I can do for me to be able to show to him how much I felt that night. I can't say it in front of him. I don't know why... Perhaps, the fact that he broke his promise to me made it hard for me to talk about it and what's worse? He acted like nothing happened and it hurts me that it's like he doesn't even care for my feelings. He's my friend after all for four years if he is not my best friend.

I don't know what to do. But it keeps me inside crying and falling into pieces.

Yet, I can't stand it and it is always worth the risk. I wish I could tell him and ask for his reasons but all I can do is just smile at him when we catch each other's eyes.

but why do I find cold eyes... is it all coming back to me? All the things I did to him? I don't get it. I don't even know if it's a misunderstanding or what. He can't leave me hanging on this one, right?

(photo is not owned by the blogger.)

Missing the Love I had Thought Wasn't Enough

I can't imagine how I have wasted a lot of time with this guy because of some doubt that everything between us will never work at all no matter how we consider much of each other's presence and now that he's gone from my side, I realized that what we had was all I really need to fill the spaces in my heart. Perhaps, I was just scared to know that I really need him and his presence within my life. I missed all the times we carelessly spent with each other. The innocent care and affection we have shared. I struggled to keep this yearning within me. I tried to stop thinking that I'm such a fool to pretend that what I'm doing is what good for me right now but even if how many times I tried, still the memories of him lingers in every second I'm alone. Yes, I miss him and the love I had thought wasn't enough.

Wretched:

"Another, yes, another contrary matter had passed my life again. This afternoon was very cool and relaxing, spending time with my friends. While tonight was so bitter that made me wish, I did not went home. It was daringly soft and velvety, the reason that made me so unthinkably colloided. I made up my petty-dainty mind."

-an entry last Nov. 6

What a selfish bait that I made today? Early this morning I woke up to attend a pictorial at SM City together with my JA-mates and with our JA adviser. The start of the day was cool and nothing much to be bothered upon but as the hours passsed, things got a little bit strange. And here the story goes:

Clumsy as I always was, I jumped into a not-so-enthusiastic subject with a best friend of mine. Well, as I've said, the subject wasn't that interesting but if you put your heart in it, it is more interesting than watching planet Mars turn green. Our topic was about his crushy-crushy (please don't mind the spelling) that is a friend of him too. Yeah, I know you already got my point. The thing is: the girl he's crush'ed with is with a guy (who's older that us, three years approximately) who's deadly in love with he's crushy-crushy. To be frankly, it is a bit childish but what can I say it's love. I wonder how I will be able to help him as his best friend. And so by the end of the day that we were left alone, I asked him, for at that time, I wasn't still sure if he really does have a crush on that girl or maybe more. And guess what, with no doubt or second thoughts at all, he said yes. And so it was clear. All my doubts and guesses went correct. And I was glad that he told me that because as far as I could determine, I'm the only person who doesn't know about it (well, except for those who doesn't really care at all).

Browsing each moments of that day, I realized that all I did was to feel sorry for him (honestly, I don't want to pity people because of love but, what can I do? Tt's all that I can do for him-sympathy). But maybe comforting him would be better without saying, "Ok lang na sya" because those set of words we're very common but I still did. I kept on saying it to him, let me guess...1...2...3 times. Ugh! I wish I could do better. =( I'm really really disappointed but still happy for I knew that he still trusts me. God, I'm wearing off with those.